In the light of the Big Brother Naija saga and a certain Kemen’s ‘faux’ apology to women today, International Women’s Day, I was inspired to pen down some thoughts pertaining to sexual assault.

I actually have never watched BBN but have of course heard and seen snit bits of the show on social media. This specific incident of non-consensual touching of a lady while she slept seems to be the most controversial of all… and rightfully so. Unfortunately, the controversy seems to be an almost equal split between support for the victim and blaming her to a certain degree for being molested. The biggest shocker is the way folks, especially WOMEN, are blaming her and calling her names. Oh, and they are dead serious with their analysis on how she positioned herself better during the act, AND asked for massage at some point, AND how she dresses indecently, AND how she is a fake girl (whatever that means)! Like seriously?! What does ANY of these have to do with the fact that a GROWN MAN snuck into A SLEEPING LADY’s bed with the obvious intention of touching her indecently… yes, the clip captured his stealthy pre-peep!

This backlash directed at the victim speaks volumes to the core ignorance on human rights violation especially in Nigeria. A country where guys casually grab or attempt to grab your body parts in an open environment or even hold you in uncomfortable ways AND get away with it… The absence of robust laws to protect younglings and women from these pervasive MEN has resulted in a society that blames the woman for TEMPTING the man. Is the man a wild animal with NO self control? What happens if a man sees someone else’s car running with the key in the ignition on the street? Does he take car and rush off since he is almost late for a meeting? Does that not make him a thief? Or should the owner understand? How about if he walks into a restaurant starving  and sees another customer’s unattended served food on a table? Does he have the right to eat it? Why not?

So why is a scantily clad girl up for grabs? Or a lady walking alone at night asking for it? Why? How could people possibly be able to justify a guy FORCING himself on a lady/person, awake or asleep, by blaming the victim?! How? My comparison of car and food do NOT truly mirror this issue as NEITHER has feelings… their respective owners may be upset and eventually get their items or similar back. No longterm issues. However, a molested PERSON has to LIVE with that assault FOREVER!!! No *taksy backsies*… even if you apologize profusely! Then add that to the stigma of others blaming her for someone’s WICKED actions!

Let us please teach our sons and daughters that they SHOULD not touch peoples bodies especially private parts without clear consent… and no, not consent while they are drunk or impaired. Help them understand that it is NEVER alright to be touched without their consent and that they should SPEAK UP immediately. It is not their fault for wearing mini skirt. It’s not their fault for visiting or being visited. It’s not their fault that he gave them candy or Fanta. It is not their fault that they have strong muscles. It is not their fault that they have nice moustache. Should they be careful with their safety and security conscious? YES!!! Is it their fault for TEMPTING anyone thereby PUSHING him to REACT? HECK NO! We as parents/aunties/uncles/teachers/grandparents should be a supportive system and ever ready to encourage open dialogue with these kids so they can have a healthy self esteem.

We should give the benefit of the doubt while obtaining full facts, from both parties. Diplomacy is required so as not to further victimize the victim… There is never a good reason to dissect the victims credibility before understanding the full story (in the BBN case there was a video yet people are blaming her for other actions).  Once it is confirmed that an assault DID occurr, please, please, please DO NOT blame the victim (whether male or female)! The perpetuator aka PERP owns all the blame for that action and should deal with whatever consequences that follow. Biko!